Motivate and Inspire with Effective Listening
My aim as a professional meetings speaker is to help professionals to peel back the layers of individual behaviour and discover how to get cooperation. This works equally well in all walks of life.Simple modifications to language, behaviour and response can significantly improve the interaction between people and produce positive results in motivating and inspiring others.What is the secret of ensuring people listen to you?This article contains one simple message. Here it is:People pay attention to a good listener.'Meta-language' is when a person says one thing, and means something totally different. When someone is not listening, or doesn't intend to do what you are suggesting, they involuntarily send out signals. Once you have learned how to spot these clues, you can regain their attention, or address their lack of conviction. In this article John will show you how to identify this behaviour and tell you what you can do about it.Many of the clues lie in your own behaviour as a listener. Learn to scrutinise how you listen; in improving yourself you will become more responsive and persuasive to those who must listen to you. This article will show you how to be a better listener.But - if you're still not sure whether you need to read further, ask yourself a couple of important questions:Do you sometimes feel that you are not very good at persuading people - or that you may not even be heard? Would you be prepared to invest an hour of your time, if you knew it would help to make you more influential and effective?Tip One:Become a better listenerWork on your own listening skills and you will gain far more from your communication with other people. Learn to spot the meta-language people use when they don't mean what they are saying. Listen actively.Borrow the tricks of the professional listeners' tradeIf appropriate say, 'I agree with you'. Raise your eyebrows now and then. Give little nods. Echo what the other person says. Ask short probing questions using what, why, when, how and whereShort questions should lead to long revealing answers. Look for clues to meta-languageWhen people don't really believe what they are saying - in other words, when they are being less than honest - their hands move to cover their mouths. More clues will be revealed in Tip Seven.Retrieve the situationWhen you spot meta-language going on, gently challenge what's being said to you. Check that the person understands what you are saying to them. Tip Two:Find out what you are doing that loses people's attentionWhen a person appears not to listen to you, it may be that you are 'talking at' him or her in some way. Ensure you cannot be accused of any of these:Being boringPractise putting rise-and-fall into your voice. Use short sentences and pauses to break up your message. Introduce humour if you can.Using jargonWe all use long or obscure words, with people who specialise in a similar field to ours. It's important to remember what the jargon means, and to use plainer words with people outside that group. Not noticing when your listener's attention wandersAre you maintaining eye contact with everyone to whom you are speaking? Are they nodding and echoing back what you are saying? If you don't notice when you've lost someone, you cannot bring them back. Tip Three:Reasons for not listening Number 1 - EmbarrassmentIt is surprisingly easy to embarrass a person. People who are embarrassed are not listening any more. They are more concerned with their own panicky thoughts and hope you won't notice their red face. Look for the cluesWe all know the signs: a flushed face, perhaps a red rash on the throat and ears. Look out for sudden loss of eye contact or evidence of sweaty hands and a dry mouth.Quickly review what you've just saidPerhaps you are expecting too much from the other person and he or she is ashamed not to be able to understand you. Go over the ground again more slowly, or use different language. Becoming cross will only make things worse, so keep calm. Put yourself in the other person's shoesBe careful not to draw attention to the embarrassment itself: it is only a clue to internal turmoil. Work gently around it until the meta-language dies down and the person is listening properly to you once more. Tip Four:Reasons for not listening Number 2 - ShockWhether you have good or bad news to share, be careful of triggering a shocked reaction. When people look shocked, they are not listeningYou may not realise you're at risk of causing a shocked reaction. It depends what the person was expecting you to say. Watch his or her face for that wide-eyed, frozen, open-mouthed expression.Let the shock subsideLike an embarrassed person, a shocked person is listening more to the frantic voice inside his or her own head than to what you are saying. Talk about less threatening aspects while you wait for him or her to calm down. Then go on with the more detailed information, taking it more gently this time