Beyond ‘I am calm’ - crafting affirmations that work
Last month a LinkedIn post gave me an opportunity to talk about trust and how to know who to trust and who not to which I hope was helpful. This month LinkedIn has done it again as there was a post with affirmations in it like ‘you are worthy and lovable’ ‘you are capable of amazing things’ that I had the same reaction to which was ‘can’t we do better than this kind of general, trite advice that seems like it comes from the back of a cereal box as a profession?’. So here I am again hopefully providing some better quality advice and reasoning for it. Why old style affirmations don’t work The easiest example I can give is if we are panicking and we look in the mirror and say to ourselves ‘I am calm’. I don’t know about you but my brain screams back ‘no you’re not’ as all the evidence of racing thoughts, panic feelings and tense physical sensations are telling you that the statement isn’t true – clever brain. Thank goodness our brains aren’t that easily fooled! How to craft effective affirmations Michael Losier, the author of books like the Law of Connection, has developed language to use affirmations in a way that our brain can get on board with – it’s simple but powerful. It is by putting some different language at the beginning of a phrase. One example is I am in the process of…… Which, in the panic scenario, might sound like ‘Ok, I am panicking and I’m in the process of realising that I need to slow my breathing down’ – our brain doesn’t fight against this as you are acknowledging your current state and not saying you have slowed your breathing down or that you are calm but you are introducing a helpful idea to slow your breathing down – it’s a process. It goes back to that principle of ‘what you focus on you amplify’ and slowing your breathing a little when you are panicking is something good to amplify. Other beginnings for phrases are I like the idea of… I love seeing myself… I like how it feels when… I’m excited at the thought of… Here are some examples of how to use them I like the idea of being able to handle social situations more easily (you are engaging with the ‘idea of’ not saying you are already there) I like seeing myself beginning to be more comfortable with the idea of flying (you get your visual imagination on board with ‘seeing’ yourself doing the activity) 2 more for you to finish off… I like how it feels when … I’m excited at the thought of … These phrases are also best when they are personal and use language that you really connect with and like. What I mean by that is – I had a client who was a horse show jumper, she fell off her horse and it took months to get back on but she was tense the whole time. In working together we started to look at helpful phrases she could put together but none of the language we came up with seemed to hit the spot….she went away and came back with ‘ah…it’s soft and supple, that’s how I used to feel and want to feel again’. She connected with those words, they had meaning to her and she put them in the following phrases ‘I’m in the process of reconnecting with my body being soft and supple when I am on my horse’ ‘I love the idea of trusting that I can reconnect with the sensations of soft and supple’ those phrases and others made the world of difference when she was thinking of being on the horse and actually being on the horse – what she was focusing on she amplified – soft and supple. By crafting affirmations thoughtfully and personally you can unlock their true helpfulness If you are wanting to amplify helpful thoughts in your life, get in touch today Author Bio Paula Hamilton is a Psychotherapist and Hypnotherapist with 14 years of experience in private practice and has helped hundreds of people to resolve the issues that were getting in the way of them living a life they could feel good about. She has a Diploma in Clinical Hypnosis & Strategic Psychotherapy and a Diploma in Applied Clinical Hypnotherapy (Dip.C.H.t.). She is a Senior Practitioner with the General Hypnotherapy Register (G.H.R. Reg.) and holds the Senior Qualification in Hypnotherapy Practice (S.Q.H.P.). Paula is also an Acknowledged Supervisor with the General Hypnotherapy Register, providing one to one supervision for other therapists. She is registered with the Complementary & Natural Healthcare Council (C.N.H.C.) for Hypnotherapy.